You Can Love Yourself without Being Self Absorbed

So I got my first really negative feedback on my blog. I was told that I’m just self absorbed and boast myself over and over for the same things and the reader commented asking me just what I had done to think that I should put myself in the inspirational category. I read all of this viewer’s thoughts and even after a day to process, I kindly responded that I was appreciative of the feedback and ready to receive both the positive and negative with putting more of myself in front of others with my blog. Honestly, that comment led me to writing this blog post. It’s like that quote “When life hands you lemons, make lemonade out of them”.

I looked up just what self absorbency was to make sure that what I thought of self absorbency was accurate. In my mind, self absorbency is a person who is only into themselves and only cares about themselves rather than anybody else. But when I looked up through a couple of other sources, I found that self absorbency is also when a person has no care about how their words or actions may affect or hurt others. When I first got the comment I was like “What if my readers really do think I’m just self absorbed and pat my own self on the back repeatedly?” And then it brought me to this…

I have grown to love myself. If there’s a little bit of self absorbency in loving one’s self, then I’ll take it. Because if I don’t love myself first, how can I expect to love others or feel love from others? I know my heart and intent, and I hope to share it through my words of this blog. I love to help others feel super cute in the outfits I style, I love to share my fitness and workout journeys to help encourage others to feel motivated and better about themselves, I love to encourage my Southern Jewlz customers to be confident, goal driven, beautiful from the inside out and complimentary to other women. We must lift each other up. The world has enough critics, why not add a little love and support in the form of being a cheerleader!? I can think of so many incredible women I know who are making big things happen – and I love to cheer them on. And in turn, I can’t deny that it feels good when they cheer me on, too! When someone loves themselves, it shines through. And in my mind, it usually shines through because they show that same kind of love to others. They are happy, kind, encouraging and have a smile on their face. And in retrospect, when I see people who have been negative or hurtful to others, I always think how they must feel about themselves. So from that negative comment on my blog, I’m choosing to spin it in a positive direction and encourage everyone to love on themselves a little more. My personal goal is to continue to be the best version of me that I can be. I shall be content and thankful with what I’ve been given, but still continue to set goals past my current comfort zone so that I can continue to grow and achieve all that I can be!

So if you are a self lover – I love that! And if you maybe need a little help on ways to love yourself a little more, I’ve included some below:

1. Stop comparing yourself to others. Instead, let others encourage, motivate and inspire you. Everyone achieves success and/or fails at their efforts at different rates. Someone else’s journey does not mirror your own because there are different factors in other’s lives.

2. Tell yourself that you are enough. Be thankful for what you have. Whether that be in the form of relationships, talents, health, beauty, others in your life, opportunities, etc. You could always have LESS than you do just like you could always have MORE than you do. Thank God for what you have and if you are wanting more, work in ways that can help you attain your goal.

3. Spend a little more you time. Whether that be a workout, some reflective time, a neighborhood walk, a prayer devotional, reading a book, writing a blog, journaling etc. Find a way that you can have at least a little you time to spend with yourself.

4. Let go of those who have hurt you or what has happened in the past. Learn from it, but do not be resentful of it. Whatever happened – take it at a lesson and use it to better yourself. You can’t change the past, but you can live happier in the present moment. Holding onto a grudge or resentment will hurt yourself far more than it will anybody else.

5. Be patient in your growing process. So you’re a work in progress? You’re always going to be! Life is about the journey. Happiness is a way of life rather than a destination.

6. Celebrate your victories – no matter how big or small they may be. Even if it means setting a small goal for yourself that nobody else knows. When you make it happen, I promise you will feel good about yourself. You may even continue to set more goals and hopefully even larger goals.

7. When it comes to others – love on the relationships you have. Family, friends, co-workers, and so forth. Do something kind or sweet for somebody just because. It will make that person’s day as well as make you feel good about yourself. Spread the positivity and try to not partake when the negative arises.

8. Don’t be so hard on yourself. Forgive yourself. Learn from your mistakes and move forward. No need for so much pressure because that can suffocate you from even having the opportunity to love who you are.

9. Know that not everybody is going to like you or get you. And that it is ok when some people don’t. You can be the ripest juiciest peach in the world, but some people just don’t like peaches. But do not let the fear of those that “don’t like you” or “think you are too much of _____” hold you back from you being who you are. You don’t need anyone else’s approval over your own.

10. You do you. Be real and confident in who you are and what you want to be. You don’t need social acceptance, instead you need the love and support from within. I think it is so beautiful when a woman is unapologetically herself. Since everyone else is already taken, use your own power of being YOU.

And what better outfit to show than a beautiful white lace dress that is called the Angelic Feeling Maxi from Southern Jewlz Boutique to use as the visual of loving yourself. If you think I’m self absorbed, I encourage you to spend your time elsewhere than reading my blog. Maybe replace that time with one of the examples I have given above. If you think it’s beautiful that I love myself and encourage others to as well, I hope you will continue on with my blogging journey. I don’t really know what it takes to be a successful blogger, for I have decided to just share more about me and what I have learned in my journey. For loving yourself is not a selfish or self absorbency act, it is a nurturing and fulfilling way to be who God intended you to be. I believe it is selfish to act superior to others around you, because the only person you should aspire to be superior to, is the person that you were in your past!

I’m wearing a small in this be-YOU-tiful dress (get it!?) and feel it would be super perfect for a Bride to Be. It ties around the neck, zips up the lower back and has 2 slits in the front with a romper for lining underneath. One of my current favorites from Southern Jewlz Boutique.

Until next time, stay be-YOU-tiful!



  1. Reply


    May 3, 2017

    Love love love this and you! You are a inspiration! Thank you for this. ??

  2. Reply


    May 3, 2017

    I love this! I love reading your blogs. Especially the bridesmaid and eating healthy as I’m now a fiancé. I was talking to a friend at the gym today who even asked if I read your blogs, and we were both like “omg you read them too!?” Thank you for sharing with us!

  3. Reply


    May 3, 2017

    I happen to love you! And this ? You go on with your hot self — if anything you make me want to dress up and skip he chips and guacamole at Chipotle ???

  4. Reply


    May 3, 2017

    Your words speak to my soul!! My fav blog post yet ???!

  5. Reply

    Kortney Kruse

    May 3, 2017

    Loved your spin on this difficult comment! Yes the world does need so much more positive!!! ?

  6. Reply

    Stacy Cude

    May 4, 2017

    Spot on! Way to go, turning a negative into a positive! Keep it up!

  7. Reply

    Kaylee Barnett

    May 4, 2017

    I actually love that you love yourself! Hellooo isn’t that what we all want?! We are all too hard on ourselves and if we don’t fully love ourself it will show in how we treat other people. I think you are inspiring and extremely encouraging to other women! So keep it up! 🙂

  8. Reply

    Kandis E.

    May 4, 2017

    I’ve followed you since the beginning of SJ and have always thought of you as a very positive, encouraging, motivating, cheering on others type of girl! Just ignore the internet trolls.

  9. Reply


    May 4, 2017

    I once you knew you from that tiny town we call Bremond. We weren’t close or even in the same grade. However I always thought you were one of nicest, sweetest and most beautiful girls in Bremond. People take different paths in life and when I came back to the Bryan/College Station area I saw you for the first time selling stuff at the Post Oak Mall. I bought a few things and told you great job on getting out of Bremond and doing something for yourself. Time passed and I heard you had a little set up in the hair salon just outside CS area. So I checked it out! Loved what you had to sell and loved where you saw yourself going. Time passed again and you opened a Boutique, I went as much as I could afford to do so. I loved everything you were selling. What I loved most was you and how you portrayed yourself. No we were not close in school but you always remembered me and my mom even when she would come in without me. My mom would say, “She is the nicest girl and always remembers me.” To me this is amazing, for you to know so many people all over and to remembered my mom. She was thrilled. It really is the small things that make the biggest difference. I follow you on every social media we have today. Why? bc I think you have done great for yourself. You inspire me to want to do great things. I see your food posts and workout videos. One day I will get to that point but it’s a little hard for me working full time with three kiddos! But that does not stop me from trying. I try bc of you. I want to be better bc you showed me everything and anything is possible. I love how you are kind, sweet and choose to uplift all women and not bring them down. Shame on the person who things you are self absorbed. I love reading your blog, seeing pics and watching snaps. You are a beautiful woman and I am so happy for you and the live you have built for yourself. Keep being a strong woman. We need more woman in this world like you. I have two girls and I would hope they grow up to be just like the woman you are today! Thank you Randa, for inspiring me to be a better me!!

  10. Reply

    Ava Landis

    May 4, 2017

    I commend you for your positivity, love and wisdom! Thank you, for being who you truly are! You’re doing a great job ?

  11. Reply


    May 4, 2017

    You are an inspiration, because you have worked HARD to get where you are! I started following your journey when you had a tiny boutique on 30 and girl you deserve ALL that you have because you’ve fought to get there. You look AMAZING because you have worked for it.

  12. Reply


    May 4, 2017

    Love love love!! ?

  13. Reply


    May 4, 2017

    ❤️ Love this! Love your blog. We should all build each other up not tear each other down. I love your response to a negative comment.

  14. Reply

    Nikki Pederson

    May 4, 2017

    You are a leader, an inspiration, and one of the kindest, most generous young ladies I know. I’m so glad you’re not letting anyone full your sparkle. Shine on Randa! SHINE! Let the negative people purchase some Southern Jewlz sunglasses.

  15. Reply

    Nikki Pederson

    May 4, 2017

    You are a leader, an inspiration, and one of the kindest, most generous young ladies I know. I’m so glad you’re not letting anyone full your sparkle. Shine on Randa! SHINE! Let the negative people purchase some Southern Jewlz sunglasses.

  16. Reply

    Lisa Yezak

    May 4, 2017

    Randa, I can honestly say that I know how hard you work. Ever since you have been a small child, you aspired for great things. Please know that your Dad and I love you very much!

  17. Reply

    Rayne K

    May 5, 2017

    Love, love, love you baby girl!! Keep doing what you do!! Thank you for continually lifting us all up, even the haters! And for helping me learn to use a straw!!! ?

  18. Reply

    Ruth ann coomer

    May 5, 2017

    Sugar I know where you came from with a card table and a box of beads at The Fall Classic
    You’ve come a long way baby
    Keep up the hard work and it’s hard being true to yourself but you always do
    Don’t let some negative bimbo steal your joy
    You handled the negative with class as you always do
    Live ya sugar

  19. Reply

    Karen Qualls

    May 5, 2017

    I must admit I honestly thought you were full of yourself as well. I continued to follow you on Instagram I’m not even sure how I came across you and as time went by especially here recently and seen your wedding videos and bachelorette party videos I sometimes had those negative thoughts Then one day I gave myself a swift kick.I decided to stop being negative -this negativity is about my own personal feelings. As women we do need to support each other .I can see that you work hard. Many of us work hard whether we have a job with a paycheck or staying home with their children -we work hard! There are only two types of humans- male or female . We all k ow the challenges with men, let’s not turn on each other as women! So I said to myself, “Stop feeling jealous , get motivated!! ” Everything is available to all of us that work for it.
    All this being said, I I am inspired and motivated by you. And after reading your response to the negative post, which I did not read, i’m even more inspired. You could’ve turned really ugly and acted bad but you handled it in a classy way. Our philosophy should be spread love and joy so let’s all just keep supporting each other learning from each other and doing everything we can to build each other up. Keep blogging keep posting it’s great

  20. Reply

    August 2, 2017

    Thanks for the excellent post



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